Oscar Night 2010!

Wes and I were joined by our friend Roy for a festive night of Oscar watching and champagne drinking.  The minute the show started, my car alarm started going off.  I dashed out to check it, missing part of NPH's opening, and turned it off with the remote.  20 minutes later, it went off again.  And again 20 minutes after that.  And after that.  And after that.  I left the car unlocked thinking that would disengage the alarm and it couldn't possibly go off again.  It did.  Finally, sometime during animated shorts or something, I found a wrench and unhooked the car battery.  Today, my car is in the shop.  Other than that super-annoyance, I thought the Oscar show was one of the best in years.  it lasted about 17 hours, but really didn't feel it.  Here are some of my random thoughts, which include the Barbara Walters Special and E! live from the red carpet.

"It ain't that heavy.  Let it go."  Words of wisdom from Mo'nique.
I thought it was really interesting that she spoke of her open relationship with her husband by saying "if he has sex with another person, it's not a game changer."  Another "person."  Mr. Mo'nique is almost as gay as Mr. Mariah.

That's it from Baba Wawa.  On to the red carpet.

Sigourney Weaver is my prize winner for best dressed.  She's stunning in red. 

Sandra Bullock's champagne gown looks like molten platinum.  Sumptuous.  The red lipstick is too much. 

Tyler Perry is roughly twice as gay as Mr. Mariah. 

Myley Cyrus looks like a hillbilly who stole Sophia Loren's gown.  It's way too grown up for her and she has no idea how to wear it.  She has the posture of a field hand.  Her mother is showing Sherri Sheppard her tattoos.  Charming.

Sherri Sheppard's hair is amazing.  We have a best hairdoo winner.

Here is Jess Cagle talking to the Best Supporting Actress nominees.  Is he adorable or what?  I just love short, well-groomed guys with tight bodies.  He is so my type.  Who on earth is he?  Love the color, ladies.

SJP first thought:  OMG WTF!
SJP second thought:  Wait a minute...
SJP third thought:  OMG I love it.
SJP fourth thought:  I still lust after Matthew Broderick.

JAKE!  With scruff!  Gayer than Mr. Mariah?  Let's hope so!
(The first three pictures have been blantantly stolen from The Film Experience). 

OK, I'll say it.  Zac Efron is totally cute.  Don't judge me. 

Helen Mirren and Christopher Plummer are the hottest couple on the red carpet.  (This picture NOT stolen from Film Experience).

Now on to the show! 

All the Best Actor/Best Actress nominees are brought out for a round of applause.  Gabby Sidibe does a sassy move when she's introduced.  Love. Her. 

NPH!  What a surprise!  Now he's gone, never to be seen again.  Here are our hosts, Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin.  I can't decide who I want to do most.  Yes I can, Alec Baldwin.  Always.

Christoph Waltz wins.  Not exactly a shock.  I love his shawl collar. 

Hurt Locker and Precious win screenplay awards.  Both of the writers are young and cute. 

Matthew Broderick and a drag queen doing Molly Ringwald come out for the John Hughes tribute.  They're followed by the whole brat pack.  Ally Sheedy should be a bigger star.  Just saying. 

Zoe Saldana is a leggy vision.  Carey Mulligan is cute as a button but something about that blond hair just isn't right.

Lauren Bacall's honorary Oscar wasn't good enough for the telecast?  They have time for some pointless tribute to horror and some sort of original score dance-off but not enough time for Lauren Bacall?  Couldn't they have at least made her a presenter?  Shame. 

Mo'nique won a well-deserved award.  Love the gardenias.   Do you know who else wore gardenias on Oscar night?  Miss Hattie McDaniel who was thanked by the newest winner.  Lovely.

Farrah Fawcett was left out of the memorial segment.  I realize she was known mainly for television, but she made a lot of movies.  Bad decision.  Michael Jackson was appropriately included although he was known for music, not the few films he did.  Why no Farrah?     

Tom Ford and SJP.  This is the gayest Oscar moment ever.  Plus Tom Ford!  He is sex on legs.  Seriously, people.  This picture isn't Tom from last night but it's a reasonable approximation.  Sigh.

Sandy Powell is the new Edith Head.

Kristin Stewart needs to stand up straight and do something with her lank hair.  Taylor Lautner looks like a West Hollywood twink all dressed up.  He's so thin.  I thought he was supposed to be the hunk du jour?  Look for him to come out on the cover of People five years after the movie career tanks. 

"Music by Prudence" just won Documentary Short.  A guy sprinted up to the stage followed by a woman who totally interrupted him and took up all his time!  What on earth?  Here's the story. 

The sound editing tribute to The Dark Knight is longer than the tribute to horror.  They really do feel bad about snubbing it last year.

White Ribbon didn't win for Best Foreign Film.  It's an upset people!  The first one of the night!  5 people across America care.

I saw Kathy Bates eating pasta at Orso in LA one time.  She was with a handsome younger man.  Love her.

Best actor.  Surprise!  It's Julianne Moore and Michelle Pfeiffer and some other people.  They managed to find a fresh way to present this award.  Kate Winslett is a vision in quicksilver.  No surprise, it's Jeff Bridges.  He seems thrilled. 

Best actress.  It's Oprah!

Sandra Bullock is now an Oscar winner.  Her speech is really nice.  She's a stand up gal.

It's Barbra!  She's presenting the award for Best Director.  Oh, the irony!  "The time has come" for Kathryn Bigelow.   She is 58 years old and looks 28.  Her body is amazing.

Here's Tom Hanks, "the Academy Governor," to present Best Picture.  He doesn't read the nominees, just rips open the envelope and says "The Hurt Locker!"

That's it people.  Another year of glamour comes to a close.