Live Blogging Miss America!

OK, live note taking since I've never learned to live blog, but deal with it.

See if you can guess who I'm supporting?

Miss America back on network TV where she belongs!  It opens with a rooftop shot of all the girls plus Brooke Burk and some guy!  You can't hear a word for the helicopter noise.

Back on the ground, it's on! 

Corny dance number to some auto-tuned crap song?  Check!

Parade of States?  Check!

Miss AZ dedicates this night to "my mentor," Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords.  Nice.

Miss GA should have combed her hair.

Miss ID needs to stop screaming.

Miss KS has about 347 teeth.

Miss LA is here to spice up your life!

The best thing Miss MN could come up with is her state is the home of Target? 

Naturally, Miss MS is named Sarah Beth.

Claire Buffie, Miss New York!  Gorgeous!

Miss PR is from the "home of Ricky Martin!"

Miss SC is totally cute.

Miss TX is a Brunette?  Who ever heard of a Brunette Miss Texas? 

Did Miss UT just make a polygamy joke?

Brought to you by Kathy Ireland and Window World!

And the Miss America Shoe Collection at DSW!

It's the semi finals.  Drum roll please.

Miss OK!  Naturally.  Her name is Emoly.  M-Oh-Lee.

NB!  Miss Nebraska never wins.  "I can make a difference..."  blah, blah, blah.

TX!  The Brunette!

RI!

UT!  That polygamy joke worked!

WA!  Jaquie Brown!  Not that one. 

AZ!  She's no Vonda Kay.

HI!

VA!

AR!  She says she's "racially ambiguous!"  And totally gorgeous.

CA!  She's no Jean Bartel.

But wait, there's more!  The girls retire to "Brooke's lounge" to vote on two more semi-finalists!  But first, the judges.

Joy Behar!  Love her.  Dr. Debbye Turner Bell!  Marc Cheery of Desperate Housewives fame!  Cute guy from Dancing With the Stars!  Marilu Henner!  She remembers everything!  Two other people!

Now, it's America's choice! Two more semi-finalists... 

Miss New York Claire Buffie with her gay rights platform!!!!  She's beautiful and smart!

Miss DE!  She's bald!  No, seriously, she's got a disease that caused her hair to fall out. 

The contstants' choice!

Miss KY!

Miss OR!

Your reigning Miss America, Caressa Cameron (pictured at top) is a vision in red.

It's time for Lifestyle and Fitness!  What says Lifestyle and Fitness more than bikinis and heels?

I'm not feeling the taupe pumps with black swimsuits. 

Lee Merriwether looks fabulous.  She did not appear in a bikini and heels.   

Only 12 can carry on. 

TX!  AR!  DE!  AZ!  HI!  WA!  KY!  CA!  OK!  VA!  Miss New York Claire Buffie!!! 

Plus NB!  Nebraska never wins.  Pay no attention to her.

Evening wear!

TX is lovely in sparkles. 

AR's role model is Michelle Obama.

HI looks like she's wearing a World Wrestling Federation belt. 

KY is classy in gold.

Miss New York, Claire Buffie, is sophisticated in black. 

It's time for talent!  I really hate that they make all the girls suit up for their talent when two aren't going to perform.  Tacky.

NB plays the piano.  It's a pageant number with lots of dramatic chords and flourishes so nobody can tell if she makes a mistake.  No matter, Nebraska never wins.  Pay no attention to her.

WA sings Pappa Was a Rolling Stone.  SRSLY. 

AZ sings opera.  There's always one. 

CA sings I Who Have Nothing.  Nothing but lungs.  Jesus girl, nobody has to tell you to sing out, Louise.

OK does ballet en pointe.  Just like she learned at Miss Mamie's Academy of Ballet and Deportment in Oklahoma City.

HI singing a Nina Simone song.  Never try to follow Nina Simone.

DE does an interpretive dance!  Finally an interpretative dance!  I believe LC NY Bureau Chief Doug did interpretive dance as Miss Illinois in 19??

VA does Riverdance.  Tap!

AR does ventriloquism!  Awesome!  In a red catsuit!  A yodeling dummy!  She's going for broke!  Here she is:


KY sings something.  Really loud. 

Miss New York Claire Buffie has just been robbed people!  She's not moving on.  She's being passed over by a yodeling dummy?  And riverdance? 

It's question time.  Miss New York Claire Buffie would have rocked this.

HI does fine.  WA does OK.  NB got a question on Wikileaks!  Not easy.  She gives a rah rah America sort of answer.  Not bad.  It doesn't matter though because Nebraska never wins.  Pay no attention to her.  AR gave a great answer to a difficult question about health care.  She may win this thing.

It's a parade of 47 former Miss Americas! I could faint!

Jean Bartel!  She looks amazing!  She was Miss America 1943! 

Vonda Kay! 

Marilyn Van Derbur! 

Phyllis George in feathers! 

Both South Carolina winners!  Marion McKnight and Kimberly Aiken! 

We're down to the final five.  50th Anniversary Miss America Phyllis George will crown the winner.  In feathers. 

4th:  Miss OK!  M-Oh-Lee!

3rd WA!

2nd HI!

It's down to Nebraska and Arkansas.  Arkansas has this in the bag.  She's gorgeous and gave a great answer to a difficult question.  Besides, everyone knows Nebraska never wins. 

And the winner is....

Miss Nebraska!   Teresa Scanlan!  She's only 17!  It's the first time for Nebraska!  And the last time I try to predict the winner.

Colleen Kay Hutchins Dead

Miss America 1952 has died at the age of 83.  She passed away at her home in Newport Beach, California after an illness of six months.  She was the last Miss America crowned before the pageant was televised and the first Miss Utah to win the title.  She became a Broadway actress for a time then married a professional basketball player turned physician.  They honeymooned at Queen Elizabeth's coronation.  She is survived by her husband and four children and grandchildren. 

You read that right:  Miss America, Broadway actress, married to professional athlete turned doctor and honeymoon at the coronation.  What a life.

h/t LC NY Bureau Chief Doug

Miss America Wrap-Up!

Here she is, Miss America, Caressa Cameron from Virginia. 

Now, my regular readers know what a pageant queen I am, but I am pissed and disappointed in Miss America for having that vile, lothsome Rush Limbaugh as a judge this year.  Apparently they didn't act on my strongly worded letter to the President of the Miss America organization because Rush was there.  I seriously thought about not watching, but I decided that zit on the the anal wart of society wasn't going to take this away from me. 

Once in, I almost called a halt to it when Gretchen Carlson of Fake News started introducing the judges.  But, she was Miss America in 1935 or something so I'll give them that one.  Besides, she looked fat in a hideous green dress that looked like her grandmother stiched it up on her Singer flip and sew. 

On with the pageant!  Here are my random thoughts, jotted down as Wes and I watched. 

Can this please be the last show with I Gotta Feeling from the Black Eye Peas as a theme song?  Please?  What's next for the song, laxative commercials? 

Mario Lopez must have made a deal with the devil to be so insanely cute. 

Opening dance number to, you guessed it, I Gotta Feeling.  These girls are obviously not dancers.  Hate the sandals. 

They're introducing themselves and some of them are doing it in a cute way:

Miss Alaska:  "I can't see Russia from my house."

Miss Florida:  "Tim, I'm single!"  You'd have to be a virgin for Mr. Tebow.  Can you meet that standard?

Miss Georgia: "I went to the Masters and didn't meet Tiger."

Miss Kentucky:  "Home of mah husband, George Clooney."

Miss New Jersey:  "I know The Situation."

Miss South Carolina:  Something about a horse in a bathtub.  Sigh.  Should have stuck to "Hi y'all."

"Prize package from our friends at Amway."  When did that start?  How far this pageant has fallen.

Mario is introducing his lovely co-host Clinton Kelly, host of What Not to Wear.  He is hot, imho.  I also assume he's gay, but when he hosted the Backstage at Miss America show before the pageant, he made a comment about recently getting married.  Surely he means married like Wes and I are married, right?  I mean the host of a fashion make-over show and Backstage at Miss America?  Anybody have any info? 

Moving on...They're choosing the top 15 and the first three are "America's choice."  Huh?  The last one will be the contestant's choice.  How complicated do you want to make it?  Anyway, the top 15 are being announced with a brief video clip letting you get to know them. 

Miss Oklahoma likes candy.  Whatever.

Miss Arkansas wants to pay for law school.

Miss Kentucky wants to do something big with her life.

Miss Tennessee said something but I forget.

Miss Colorado loves ice cream.  Come on, she hasn't had any butter pecan since she was three years old.   

Miss California

Miss Indiana

Miss Hawaii

Miss Louisiana

Miss DC

Miss New Mexico IS "that IT girl."  Subtle.

Miss Virginia

Miss Texas, about damn time!  

Miss Nebraska, really?  Nebraska?  No South Carolina, no Alabama, no Mississippi and they pick Nebraska?  Shit, people. 

Now, the girls pick one more, but first our reigning Miss America, Katie Stamm makes an appearance in a dress that is "a tribute to our military."  Um, okay.  Can we get on with things now?

The girls pick Oregon.  She's totally cute. 

Swimsuit is next.  I check out the thighs and marvel at the lack of shame and the miracles of waxing.  Who walks gracefully and who walks like she was born pushing a plow? 

Now, there's another elimination and Oregon, Indiana and Arkansas get the shaft. 

Backstage, Clinton Kelly is talking to some former Miss Americas including Lynda Meade, who was Miss America when I was born.  She's here for her 50th anniversary which is impossible since I'm not even close to 50.  She looks amazing, though.

Evening gown is on.  Miss Oklahoma stumbles a bit, but it's OK.  Miss California believes true beauty radiates from within.  Profound.  Miss Texas slipped.  Get it together Miss Texas! 

Talent is next, my favorite part!  Miss California is in a tutu.  Always a good choice.  Miss Virginia is belting out Listen from Dreamgirls.  Beyonce could learn a thing or two from her.  DC and Texas sing opera with mixed results.  New Mexico sings from West Side Story, very nice.  Miss Lousiana plays piano. 

Miss Kentucky is singing and she has the biggest mouth I've ever seen.  Seriously.  It's like a giant Amazonian snake has unhinged it's jaw and is going to swallow us all up.

Miss Hawaii does the hula and is my favorite.  Lovely.

Buh bye Oklahoma and Colorado.  No talent competition for you.

It's on to the questions and they're unbelievably lame.  Each one should have been asked about same sex marriage!  Wouldn't that have been fun?  They could have brought out Clinton Kelly as a visual aid.

It's time!  Final five!  Texas is eliminated.  Crap.  Ditto Nebraska.

Fourth runner-up:  Miss freak mouth Kentucky!

Third runner-up:  Miss Louisiana!  I kind of liked her and besides, Louisiana has never won.  Too bad.

Second runner-up:  Miss Tennessee!

First runner-up:  Miss California!

Now, Miss Virginia is standing there with New Mexico and Hawaii.  One of them will win and the others, well, won't.  New Mexico has never won and I really like her.  Mario has the winner...it's...

MISS VIRGINIA, CARESSA CAMERON IS YOUR NEW MISS AMERICA!

Her mother is crying her eyes out!  It's pandemonium!  Caressa Cameron is beautiful and talented and smart.  Great choice! 

Rush Limbaugh to Judge Miss America

The Miss America Organization has announced that Rush Limbaugh will be one of the judges of the pageant to be held January 30, 2010.

"We are thrilled to have Rush join us for our pageant this year," said MAO President and CEO, Art McMaster. "We know that the 2010 Miss America Pageant will be filled with new twists and exciting opportunities with him as one of our national judges."

As a long-time pageant queen, I am appalled. Has Mr. McMaster (pictured at left above) lost his mind? Miss America is supposed to be an iconic, unifying figure in our culture. Choosing one of the most divisive figures in national media as a judge is inviting needless controversy. Does he not realize Rush's history of racist and sexist comments? Rush Limbaugh said he would be forced to "bend over and grab his ankles" for President Obama because he's black. He called the President the "little black man-child." He said slavery in the South "had it's merits" because "the streets were safer after dark." He told an African-American woman caller to "take the bone out of her nose and call me back." Speaking of women, Limbaugh justified John Edwards' affair by saying “Edwards might be attracted to a woman whose mouth did something other than talk.” Another Rush gem: “He’s trying to figure out how he can get involved in the deal down there at Duke where the lacrosse team…supposedly, you know, raped, some, uh, hos.”

Does this seem appropriate for an organization that prides itself on being " the world's largest provider of scholarship assistance for young women?" If you would like to express your disgust at this development, like I did, here is contact information for the Miss America Organization:

222 New Road
Suite 700
Linwood, NJ 08221

Phone: 609-653-8700
Fax: 609-653-8740
info@MissAmerica.org