Marchant Takes a Polygraph!

Just when you thought he couldn't humiliate himself further, former Andre' Bauer for Gov. employee Larry Marchant has taken a polygraph to prove he really, really, really is a heterosexual had man-woman sex with Gubernatorial candidate Nikki Haley.  The results?  Inconclusive.  The crack journalists at the Columbia Fox News channel (naturally) paid for the whole thing.  Click here to watch the WACH Fox (awkwardly pronounced "Wok Fox") report.  Not embeddable.  My favorite part of this story is WACH Fox reporter Emily Pace who breathlessly reported that the polygraph exam "literally took all day.  It began at 2:30 and ended at 5:00."  Katie Couric has got her eye on you, Emily.

I found an embeddable clip of the studly Mr. Marchant.  Decide for yourself if Nikki could have resisted his savage Hetero lust:



The only thing that makes me think he's straight is the hair. 

But wait, there's more!  Not to be outdone by Marchant's publicity, Andre' Bauer himself submitted for a polygraph!  At least, he released polygraph results that he said prove that he had nothing to do with the "unfortunate revelations" about Haley and the menz.  Andre had previously promised to submit to a polygraph exam about his own sexual rumors regarding the menz, but shockingly, none of those questions were covered.

SC Republicans are Freaks!

And I mean sexual freaks AND freak show freaks.  First, we had family values Governor Sanford hiking the Appalachian Trail all the way to some Argentinian tail.  Then, Mike Rogers of Blog Active, the guy who outed Larry Craig months before the bathroom incident, outed French Lieutenant Governor Andre' Bauer as a big ol' 'mo.  This was not exactly a shock after his interview with The State in which he brought up the homo rumors so he could deny them.  Not a brilliant move, especially since the interview took place in his beautifully-appointed downtown loft. 

But I digress.  Now comes news that leading GOP candidate for Governor, State Representative Nikki Haley allegedly had an affair.  She's a South Carolina Republican, so it's practically a job requirement.  Conservative SC blogger Will Folks has said that he and Haley did the dirty deed when he was single, but she was not.  He even has phone records showing lengthy, late night phone calls.  Frankly, I'm not sure I believe it.  Haley is pictured up top.  She's got kind of an Angie Harmon thing going, right?  Here's Folks:

Ugh!  How hard up do you have to be to touch that?  Would you risk your career for 30 seconds over Tokyo with that lummox? 

But wait, there's more!  The other day, Andre Bauer fired his "political consultant" Larry Marchant who, 2 hours later, alleged he also had an affair with Haley!  Here's Larry:

OK, this one looks doable in a total douchebag sort of way. 

Just to make sure the camera stays on him, media hag Andre challenged Nikki to take a lie detector test about her sex life and said he would take one himself.  Wow, Andre.  You really are totally lacking in self-awareness.  Here's the utterly brilliant Lt. Gov. explaining it all to Live Five:

There's still more!  State GOP Senator Jake Knotts called both President Obama and Nikki Haley "ragheads" in an internet radio interview.  Keeping it classy, Jake.  Haley's parents are Sikh immigrants from India.  Here's what Jake had to say:

"We've already got a raghead in the White House, we don't need another raghead in the governor's mansion."

I guess this is what passes for wit in SC GOP circles.  Here's Jake:

No, that's not Boss Hogg.  That would be an insult to the sophisticated nuance of The Dukes of Hazzard.   

Folks, when I was growing in The Palmetto State, I had no idea the conservative Republicans were getting all the action!  No wonder there are so many Republicans there!

h/t to LC NY Bureau Chief Doug.

SC Lt. Gov: Lazy People Cause of Immigration Problem

You know folks, I grew up in South Carolina and live in Texas, so when the clearly unconstitutional anti-immigration bill in Arizona was signed into law, a little part of me was relieved that at least it happened somewhere else.  Maybe Arizona can be the wingnuttiest for a while.  Then along came the Palmetto State's totally not gay Lieutenant Governor Andre' Bauer (avec un accent aigu!) to bring the crazy back home.  In a Republican gubernatorial debate Friday in Spartanburg, Andre' solved the complex problem of immigration by revealing the real culprit:  lazy people on welfare.

"The real problem is the work force," Bauer said, speaking of a state with 12.2 percent unemployment, the sixth-highest jobless rate in the country. "The problem is we have a give-away system that is so strong that people would rather sit home and do nothing than do these jobs. Laziness is not a disability. There are a lot of people that are flat-out lazy and they are using up the goods and services in this state."

There you go, ladies and gentlemen.  12.2% unemployment, but if you're out of work it's your own fault for being flat-out lazy!  Yessir, that $326.00 maximum South Carolina unemployment check is encouraging people to sit back in their barcoloungers and let them ferriners come in and take our jobs away.  I'm so glad Andre's on top of it. 

This is the same mental giant who compared people on welfare to stray animals, saying that if you feed stray animals (i.e., people on welfare), they "will reproduce, especially ones that don't think too much further than that. And so what you've got to do is you've got to curtail that type of behavior." 

That's Andre' in the picture, not being lazy. 

Hey, there's nothing gay about a 40-something never-married man pumping iron so just stop thinking that.