Lindsay "Ain't Gay"

SC GOP Senator Lindsay Graham has denied being gay...again.  From a NY Times profile on Miss Lohan Senator Graham:

"For his sins, Glenn Beck termed the senator Obama Lite, while Rush Limbaugh labeled him Lindsey Grahamnesty. Less tame are the blogosphere monikers, like 'Miss Lindsey,' that play off of Graham’s never-married status. During a South Carolina Tea Party rally this spring, one speaker created an uproar by postulating that Graham supported a guest-worker program out of fear that the Democrats might otherwise expose his homosexuality. (Graham smirked when I brought this up. 'Like maybe I’m having a clandestine affair with Ricky Martin,' he said. 'I know it’s really gonna upset a lot of gay men — I’m sure hundreds of ’em are gonna be jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge — but I ain’t available. I ain’t gay. Sorry.')"

First of all, the gay rumors do not "play off of Graham’s never-married status."  They play off what is plainly obvious to all sentient humans. 

Second, a "clandestine affair with Ricky Martin?"  At least he projects in good taste.

Marchant Takes a Polygraph!

Just when you thought he couldn't humiliate himself further, former Andre' Bauer for Gov. employee Larry Marchant has taken a polygraph to prove he really, really, really is a heterosexual had man-woman sex with Gubernatorial candidate Nikki Haley.  The results?  Inconclusive.  The crack journalists at the Columbia Fox News channel (naturally) paid for the whole thing.  Click here to watch the WACH Fox (awkwardly pronounced "Wok Fox") report.  Not embeddable.  My favorite part of this story is WACH Fox reporter Emily Pace who breathlessly reported that the polygraph exam "literally took all day.  It began at 2:30 and ended at 5:00."  Katie Couric has got her eye on you, Emily.

I found an embeddable clip of the studly Mr. Marchant.  Decide for yourself if Nikki could have resisted his savage Hetero lust:



The only thing that makes me think he's straight is the hair. 

But wait, there's more!  Not to be outdone by Marchant's publicity, Andre' Bauer himself submitted for a polygraph!  At least, he released polygraph results that he said prove that he had nothing to do with the "unfortunate revelations" about Haley and the menz.  Andre had previously promised to submit to a polygraph exam about his own sexual rumors regarding the menz, but shockingly, none of those questions were covered.

John Stewart Takes on Horny Carolina Politicians

I can't get Daily Show clips to embed on Blogger (fuck you very much, Blogger!), so you'll have to go here to see John Stewart on all the allegations of Nikki Haley sexcapades.  He begins with a piece on the incredible Helen Thomas statements on Israel, but stick with it, it's well worth it. 

For the record, I don't believe any of the Nikki Haley adultery allegations anymore.  As I said here, I don't believe for a minute that Haley risked everything for that lummox Will Folks.  As for former Andre' Bauer employee Larry Marchant, go to about the 7 minute mark on the Stewart clip to hear him speak.  Just do it.  Notice something a little off?  I described Marchant as "doable in a total douchebag sort of way," but this is my official retraction.  His statement that he got it on with Nikki Haley is about as believable as Lindsey Graham doing the nasty with Lindsay Lohan.  Did I meet this guy at The Capitol Club?

Andre', seriously girl, if you're going to orchestrate a smear campaign, it needs to pass the straight face test.    

Nikki Haley is trying to be the state's first woman governor.  Notice how all the dirt slung against her is sexual?

h/t LC NY Bureau Chief Doug

SC Lt. Gov: Lazy People Cause of Immigration Problem

You know folks, I grew up in South Carolina and live in Texas, so when the clearly unconstitutional anti-immigration bill in Arizona was signed into law, a little part of me was relieved that at least it happened somewhere else.  Maybe Arizona can be the wingnuttiest for a while.  Then along came the Palmetto State's totally not gay Lieutenant Governor Andre' Bauer (avec un accent aigu!) to bring the crazy back home.  In a Republican gubernatorial debate Friday in Spartanburg, Andre' solved the complex problem of immigration by revealing the real culprit:  lazy people on welfare.

"The real problem is the work force," Bauer said, speaking of a state with 12.2 percent unemployment, the sixth-highest jobless rate in the country. "The problem is we have a give-away system that is so strong that people would rather sit home and do nothing than do these jobs. Laziness is not a disability. There are a lot of people that are flat-out lazy and they are using up the goods and services in this state."

There you go, ladies and gentlemen.  12.2% unemployment, but if you're out of work it's your own fault for being flat-out lazy!  Yessir, that $326.00 maximum South Carolina unemployment check is encouraging people to sit back in their barcoloungers and let them ferriners come in and take our jobs away.  I'm so glad Andre's on top of it. 

This is the same mental giant who compared people on welfare to stray animals, saying that if you feed stray animals (i.e., people on welfare), they "will reproduce, especially ones that don't think too much further than that. And so what you've got to do is you've got to curtail that type of behavior." 

That's Andre' in the picture, not being lazy. 

Hey, there's nothing gay about a 40-something never-married man pumping iron so just stop thinking that. 

Anti-Gay Senator Arrested After Leaving Gay Bar

I know this was all over the web yesterday, which might as well be last century in net years, I've been so busy that I haven't had a chance to post on it.  I couldn't pass it up!  The senator in question is California state senator Roy Ashburn and he was arrested for a DUI after leaving Faces, a Sacramento gay club.  Roy was with a certain unnamed handsome young man.  Naturally, Republican Roy is his strong anti-gay voting record.  He has voted against every pro-gay bill that has come up during his tenure, including Harvey Milk Day, anti-discrimination laws and recognition of out-of-state marriages.  Plus, this turd hosted a "traditional family values" hatefest in 2005 to drum up support for a constitutional amendment prohibiting gays from marrying.  This reinforces my belief that when a politician or preacher becomes an anti-gay crusader, there's always a deeply personal reason.  The closet cases are our worst enemy. 



Ashburn also has a strong anti-immigrant voting record.  Why is that relevant?  It turns out it was Latin Night at Faces, including the ever-popular Miss Gay Latina pageant.  The unnamed handsome young man in Roy's car was also Hispanic. 

I guess Roy likes to fuck Latin men literally and figuratively. 

Gays Destroy Karl Rove's Marriage

Karl Rove has been granted a divorce from his wife of 24 years, Darby Rove.  This is his second divorce.  Despite the Roves' best efforts to maintain the sanctity of their union, it couldn't possibly withstand gays marrying in several states and foreign countries.  They rallied briefly when marriage equality was defeated in Maine and New York, but then came DC and those guys in Argentina and the marriage was doomed.  Another innocent heterosexual victim of the gay agenda.

Speaking of gay agendas, Karl is now single.