It's the Tonys!

Last night was Tony night at our house!  Of course I would have live blogged the show if I had a lap top knew how to live blog.  Instead, I took notes and texted LC NY Bureau Chief Doug all night.  Here's my stream of unconsciousness:

The show is opening with Sean Hayes at the piano. Who knew?  He plays well and I've never seen him look so cute.

Million Dollar Quartet feels like something that's been done on B-way about a dozen times.  I think it's telling that the Tonys have opened with a song that's not original. 

Now Kristin Chenowith (who I love) and Sean are doing a number from Promises, Promises.  Finally, a song written for Broadway.  Of course, it's 40+ years old. 

Kristin looks great.  Bitch stole my dress.

I love Sherrie Renee Scott and her plus size back-up singers.

La Cage!  Les Cagelles!  Finally some color and sass!  Those girls look fabulous.  This is the show I most want to see and Doug, that bitch, just got tickets.  I expect a detailed review Doug!

Apparently the Tonys have turned into a Green Day concert.  I'm surprised I recognize any of the songs.  I think it's time for a wine refill. 

I'm back and Billy Joe whatshisname is still singing.  I'm sure the Tonys have totally nailed the youthful demographic with this rock concert from 2001.

Why is Will Smith here? 

Sean Hayes tonguing Kristin Chenowith is just wrong.  And kinda gross.  But hey, who says gays can't play straight?

Daniel Radcliffe and Katie Holmes are here to announce Best Featured Actress in a Play.  Unfortunately Daniel is not in his Equus costume.  Katie's boobs are all smushed.  With all of Tom's money she can't afford a dress that fits? 

Scarlett Johansson won for A View From a Bridge.  I would say it's star fucking but she got rave reviews.  She looks great. Love her hair.  Love her husband more.  She seems genuinely overwhelmed and her speech is lovely.

OMG it's Doug's next husband Ricky Martin!  He's set to star as Che in the upcoming revival of Evita.  See what happens when you come out?

Million Dollar Quartet looks like a total bore.

Eddie Redmane won Best Featured Actor in a Play for Red.  Did Justin Bieber do his hair?  Am I just jealous because he has so much?

It's a scene from La Cage!  Douglas Hodge in drag going out into the audience.  Matthew Morrison just slipped him some $.  Adorable.  Hodge should win. 

Antonio Banderis is still handsome but needs to back away from the hair gel.  He's going to play Zorba?  With his thick Spanish accent, how will he play Greek?  I guess the producers are counting on American audiences not knowing the difference.  It'll be Zorba the Spaniard. 

Director of a play went to Red.  It will sweep.

Director of a Musical went to La Cage!  I've got to get to NY and see it. 

Chris Noth is introducing a brief description of all the Best Play nominees.  The Next Fall guys are hilarious. That play should win but won't.

Jon Bon Jovi is what, 60?  He looks fucking hot.  Seriously.  Did he make a deal with the devil?  Can I sign up for that?

Best Featured Actress in a Musical is Katie Finneran from Promises, Promises.  Karine Plantadit's name was flashed as the winner.  I guess this is an upset? 

Mark Sanchez at the Tonys?  Is it just because he's hot?  I can live with that.  You can tell gay men run this thing.

Featured Actor in a musical is Levi Kreis from Million Dollar Quartet.  He didn't kiss his handsome boyfriend!  What was that reluctant hug about? 

Broadway Legend Barbara Cook didn't win in her category.  Her gays are weeping.

Catherine Zeta-Jones is performing Send in the Clowns.  I saw it with the understudy who was wonderful.  Why is CZJ jerking her head back and forth?  Is she nervous?

I want to do bad things with Justin Bartha. 

Sean Hayes is hysterical as Annie.  Whoppi Goldberg did the same thing at the Oscars, but that's OK.  It works.

Viola Davis just won her second Tony.  She's Best Actress in a Play for Fences.  She looks spectacular in green. 

Helen Mirren = sexy.

Denzel Washington won Best Actor in a Play for Fences.  Is it catty to say he's looking a little hippy?  If Jon Bon Jovi can do it, so can you Denzel.

It's America's favorite gay couple, the Pinkett-Smiths!  That's totally not true, of course.  Has anybody explained why they're here?

Michael Douglas looks the best he's looked in a long time.

I guess Paula Abdul was available.

Legendary Bill T. Jones wins for choreography.

Stanley Tucci loves me.  He just doesn't know it yet.  Probably because we haven't met. 

Cate Blanchett's suit is extraordinary.  She wins best dressed. 

Best Play is Red.  Next Fall was robbed. 

Lea Michele and Matthew Morrison!  Is this Lea Michelle's audition for the Funny Girl revival?  If it is, she just nailed it.  She's a show-stopper.

Raquel Welch!  She looks fantastic.  She has the world's most brilliant plastic surgeon. 

La Cage wins Best Revival of a Musical!  Champagne all around!

Nathan Lane and Bebe Neuwirth.  What a couple of pros.  I think Bob Hope told that Passover joke 75 years ago, but Nathan made it work. 

Best Actress in a Musical is Catherine Zeta-Jones. 

Best Actor in a Musical is Douglas Hodge! 

Bernadette Peters will take over for CZJ in Night Music?  Apparently that's true.  Elaine Stritch will replace Angela Lansbury. 

Best Musical is Memphis.  Snooze.